if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
