and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
