I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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