between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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