no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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