I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
