Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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