My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
