My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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