I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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