Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
