so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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