I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I did not marry a roomba.
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