Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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