sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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