I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
