help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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