I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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