I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
