i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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