I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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