obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
