i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to make out with him forever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I came so hard my ears popped.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
