I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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