I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
