Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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