I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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