i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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