We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
