I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
