I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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