is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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