Got a toothbrush?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am one with the molecules
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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