STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
