I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
