i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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