I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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