I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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