Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
