Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.

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  (843): I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed. http://tfl.nu/tmoe
  Replies (16) Good night (686) Bad night (1180)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That baby is bound to be under-loved.

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  (262): The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy. (651): That baby is bound to be under-loved. http://tfl.nu/j5h4
  Replies (10) Good night (1239) Bad night (4080)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone

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  (203): She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone http://tfl.nu/bzdp
  Replies (25) Good night (6516) Bad night (1241)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.

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  (703): I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/hego
  Replies (5) Good night (837) Bad night (3046)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

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  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (6186) Bad night (1320)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

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  (541): She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad. http://tfl.nu/yao2
  Replies (9) Good night (877) Bad night (3076)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.

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  (920): well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care. http://tfl.nu/ywjo
  Replies (5) Good night (3462) Bad night (859)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?

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  (407): If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do? http://tfl.nu/1p3s
  Replies (6) Good night (1015) Bad night (1886)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle

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  (267): my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle http://tfl.nu/n0zg
  Replies (14) Good night (5002) Bad night (714)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.

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  (206): It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights. http://tfl.nu/5zul
  Replies (5) Good night (700) Bad night (633)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.

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  (816): Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is. http://tfl.nu/ytcu
  Replies (5) Good night (2807) Bad night (557)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.

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  (423): They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other. http://tfl.nu/yegv
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses

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  (602): It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses http://tfl.nu/ivd3
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (301)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.

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  (978): I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher. http://tfl.nu/db58
  Replies (4) Good night (442) Bad night (260)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".

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  (717): He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt". http://tfl.nu/asc7
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (197)

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