This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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