Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night