they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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