Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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