Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO