This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.