Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?