and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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