Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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