I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
