I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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