Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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