you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
