i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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