Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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