textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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