i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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