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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!

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• (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.

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• (310): View more from California

  I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup

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• (956): View more from Texas

  he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  She did what?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Who. The correct term is she did who.

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️

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