my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
