Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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