it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
