note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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