just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
