dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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