Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
