apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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