lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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